We received many questions following the “I Want Your Sex: Giving Our Sexuality to God” series that we were not able to answer during the 5 week of the series.  We took all the questions submitted, deleted the duplicates, and consolidated the questions that were very similar (or would be answered the same), and are now posting the responses.  As you’ll note, all the question are written in italics and followed by the response from an Access leader.  The leader’s name is in italics before the answer so that you will know who is responding and can address follow-up questions to that person.

Questions and Responses:

What should you do if you have a strong disliking and possible hatred towards women due to past hurts, and you are unable to think of them as equal?

Brennen — Well, first let me say that I’ve never dealt with this exact situation.  I can empathize with this situation though, as I’ve had someone very close to me that has hurt me greatly; there was a very strong sense of personal betrayal in what this person had done, to the point where I felt an intense hatred towards them.  I was becoming such a bitter person that it was beginning to affect my personality and my treatment of people that I cared about.  I actually started questioning whether or not God existed because of this situation.  Luckily, a very close family friend offered to let me go through some counseling to work through the things I was feeling at the time.  As my counselor helped me through this with the help of Christ I was able to come to terms with what had happened in my life and was able to forgive.

In the Lord’s Prayer, Jesus instructs His disciples to pray, saying “forgive us our debts, as we forgive those who sin against us.” (Matthew 6:12 NASB).  Think about everything that Jesus has forgiven you for.  It’s a lot I’m sure.  I know it is for me!  One of the biggest things I learned while going to my counselor was that since Jesus had forgiven me for all the dumb and rebellious things and sin that was in my life, who was I to withhold forgiveness for the things others had done to me?  It’s not easy.  Walking out forgiveness never is.  But, living out Christianity is almost never the easy choice.  It’s easier to sit and stew in your bitterness and resentment than it is to try to forgive a person.  How would Christ respond to your situation?  In the Sermon on the Mount (Matt 5:38) Jesus says…

“You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.’  But I say to you, do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also.  If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also.  Whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two.  Give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you.  You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.;  But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven… Therefore, you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”

If there is any additional advice I can offer it would be to seriously consider going to a Christian Counselor.  It was one of the best things that ever happened to me.  In Grand Rapids, both Community Counseling and Christian Counseling both offer programs that are either very cheap or free  (depending on your financial situation).  I pray this answer helped you!

When it comes to voting for laws, how should we vote on “Christian Issues” (i.e. homosexual marriage)? Should we force our beliefs on those who do not know or serve God?  Do laws keep a nation from becoming like Sodom and Gomorrah or does God and the Church influence society?

Brennen – Again, going to what Jesus says in the Lord’s Prayer (Matt 6:9-10), “Our Father who is in heaven… Your kingdom come, Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.”  The grand scope of history can be understood with the backdrop of Creation, Fall and Redemption.  God created the world: humanity, animals, plants, the land and the sea—all of it.  And it was good.  Then we screwed it up—The Fall.  Because of Adam’s actions all of creation was forever broken and separated from God.  But then comes Redemption.  The work God has done to reconcile us and creation to Himself.  He did that through Jesus Christ.  Jesus was born, He lived a perfect life, and then He died for us on the cross, paying for our sins.  On the third day, He rose from the grave, conquering the fall and giving life to those who will repent of their sins and place their trust in Him.  Not only has he redeemed us, but the Bible tells us that He is in the process of redeeming creation (new Heavens, and new Earth).

So we understand that it is our duty to live our new redeemed lives to help bring about the Kingdom of God as best we can.  What does this mean?  It means going about and doing everything you do “on earth as it is in heaven.”  What can you do to bring heaven to earth today?  As born-again Christians, we should try to effect change that brings about a love and appreciation for life and care for all of creation—things that are very good and loved by God!  “On earth as it is in heaven” necessitates a completely different view on things.  It changes how we vote, it changes how we love and treat people, it changes who we are!

Can God forgive a person for committing adultery since it’s seen as worst than most sins in the Bible?

Brent – Adultery is no doubt a very painful and destructive act.  It destroys trust, rips apart families, and causes wounds that people carry for a very long time—sometimes forever.  But nowhere in Scripture do we see that it is either unforgivable or the worst sin.   Jesus said in Mark 3:29 that the only unforgivable sin was blasphemy of the Holy Spirit.  1 John 5:16 states that there is a sin that leads to death and one should not pray for another one who has committed this sin.  In light of Hebrews chapters 6 and 10 we understand this to be what Jesus is talking about—blasphemy of the Holy Spirit, or committing apostasy.  Nowhere is adultery (when repented of), called unforgivable.

If a person has committed adultery they need to repent of their sin.  This means acknowledging that they have sinned (not making excuses, but owning their sin), seeking forgiveness from God, and then doing whatever is in their power to make amends to those they have wounded.  Will it be easy? Absolutely not, but those who have committed such an act need to do everything that they can to bring healing to the situation.  Although Jesus did say that sexual immorality is the only reason one could chose to pursue a divorce (Matt 5:32), it does not mean that they have to.

In a situation such as adultery seeking out a good Christian counselor is highly recommended as each person (including children if they are aware), will have wounds that need to be dealt with and cared for.

Is it OK to engage in oral sex or use sex toys in marriage?

Brent – This is a heavily debated subject… “What is permissible within the context of marriage?”  The Bible never addresses sexual acts such as oral sex, lingerie, sex toys, etc.  What we do know from Scripture is that the marriage bed is to remain undefiled (Heb 13:4).  This scripture is directly dealing with adultery, which Jesus said included lusting after another person in one’s heart—not just the physical act of sex (Matt 5:28).  So we know that having sex with another whom not your spouse is sin, as well as all forms of pornography—to include fantasy role playing (pretending that your spouse is someone else), masturbating thinking of someone else, and things of the sort.  So what about these “other situations” that the Bible does not address?

Again, the Bible does not directly call them sin, nor do they appear be in rebellion against other Scripture (i.e., lusting after another person).  I think that the couple (for clarity we are speaking about one man married to one woman), needs to discuss if “this” is something that they feel comfortable with, and if they feel any conviction about engaging in such acts.  Both persons need to feel completely comfortable with these acts, and must not feel either manipulated or pressured into doing something.  If a woman does not feel comfortable having oral sex, then her husband must not use manipulation or guilt to get her to do what she does not want to.  Also the couple should pray about these things and seek God for direction.  The Bible states that if a person knows what is right to do and does not do it, then it is sin (James 4:17).  This also means if someone knows they should not do something and they do it, then it is sin.  Communication and prayer is going to be essential in this situation.

One additional caution:  Couples need to be very careful that they are not opening themselves up to sin.  While some things may not be sinful, they can lead to sin.  Many times something innocent can become destructive, so couples need to guard themselves from the sinfulness of the flesh and the attacks of the enemy.

…. Stay tuned as we will be posting more questions and responses soon!